Mother, I see people doing great Sadhana in order to reach you, obtain you. Some do great penance, and do some yoga, pranayama. The minute I sit for meditation, my mind and body drag me thru all unnecessary thoughts. Mother, you just have to be big hearted and take me into your lap as I am completely incapable of doing any Sadhana effectively for reaching you. You only said that there might be bad son, never a bad mother. So, I completely trust the sole responsibility lies with you and no one else. I might pretend to know things, or do things, but in heart of hearts I know my limitations and I know you drive this body and mind the way you choose to.
Initially you attract us through miracles and create belief and devotion in us. Thus we are converted into devotee. Thus from the stage of ignorance the soul carries on the journey to the stage of a devotee. This journey is taking place due to the effort of you alone. Mother, I prefer “Marjala Kisora Nyaya (nature of kitten)” to “Markata Kisora Nyayam (nature of baby monkey)”. In the case of “Marjala Kisora Nyaya”, mother cat carrying on its off spring by catching it with her mouth. I know not how to approach you. Just like kitten, I am only a helpless child and keep waiting for you and call “Amma”. When our efforts exist, it is called as “Markata Kisora Nyayam”, which means the off spring is holding on itself by catching the womb of its mother-monkey. Isn’t child safer if his Father holding the kid’s hand while crossing over a bridge than the kid holding his father’s hand? As ignorant children, we have great tendency to get distracted during the journey and leave your hand, Mother. You only said,” There is no prescribing Sadhana, but just doing it”. From that I understand, that you are only the doer. What Sadhana have I done that deserved my spending time with you when you were in physical form, and now for having your remembrance.it is your will and grace only that gave me these blessings. It would be just arrogance and ignorance of me if I think I deserved this because I did any Sadhana this life or previous ones. You are like little kid that does not give some edibles (like sweets) to people, friends, or even to parents if they ask or beg for that. But, suddenly you see someone walking by and you call him or her and handover the sweetmeat and walk away with smile. You only know why and how you do anything. We receive everything (be it pain or pleasure, love or anger from others, health or ailments, praise or blame, prosperity or poverty, and even just thoughts or intuitions) from you, because of your grace alone and not by any means of our deservedness.
For example, once you gave me very interesting experience. I got off my train in NY Penn station and walking towards my connecting train. Then suddenly I felt that I was everything I see. I was that lady walking away, those jovial kids that were buying pizza, the cops of Penn station, and those Homeless guys that were lying down, everything and everyone. There was pure bliss and it seemed that I walked around with that grin that every one that was looking at me, looked at me strangely. But, there was felling that I was all those people that were around, the floor I was walking on the things I was seeing. All the thoughts were fleeting but nothing was making an impression and I was observing those thoughts as some scenarios passing by me and not actually affecting. I felt compassion for everyone and everything I see and remember to my self “Om Shanthi Shanthi Shanthi”. That compassion was not like one of the usual thing I generally feel like sympathy, pity, empathy, respect, love etc. It is sort of SELF-Love. At that moment, the whole world around me appeared (rather revealed) to be perfect as if the duality layer had been lifted up.